And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
