At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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