i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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