That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
