it hurts more in the daytime
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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