we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
