I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
