It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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