she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
