he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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