Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
