Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
