new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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