So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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