they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
