Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
