Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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