My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
