I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is wine microwaveable?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I will be naked everywhere
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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