you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
