she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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