im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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