Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
