HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize