that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
