My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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