i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
