I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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