I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
