This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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