Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
