I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
