this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
