here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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