If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
