yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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