This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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