I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
