Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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