do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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