did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
