This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
