need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
there is glitter all over my balls
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
