i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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