I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
