I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
