he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
