We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
