Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
