be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
