why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
