It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
