Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
