I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
