let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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