Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
