my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
