I CAN MOONWALK!
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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