ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
