then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
