Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
