She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
