listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
