Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
