Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
