i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.