I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
