At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
