Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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