You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
